? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
