so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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