I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
