Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
