so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
