i jhust puked up my retainher.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
