His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
