Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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