I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
