Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
