Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
