Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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