Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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