am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
