apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
