Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
