I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
