There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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