he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
