She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
