just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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