its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize