How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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