It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
