We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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