I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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