The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
