WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
