True but thats because hes a fetus.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
