She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
