just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
