In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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