I think I won the penis lottery.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
