end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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