I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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