Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize