Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
