Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
