I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
