I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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