I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
