also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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