I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
