You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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