I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
