I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
