6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
