This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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