are you still at the devil's house?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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