Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
