okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
