How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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