I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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