I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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