My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My breasts were aching with rage.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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