He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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