I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
