I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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