pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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