Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
