Apparently you make a good broom.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
