I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
