Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
