the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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