she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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