Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
