it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
