Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
