i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
