Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
