So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
