Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"