turn off your phone and go to bed
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.