It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.