you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says