he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Randomize
