I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
