Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I want to fling myself into the sun
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
