i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
