so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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