I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
