I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
