Say something about gay babies.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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