The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize