sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
